Mothers Day Funnies...

From one of my sources in the Pentagon...

These are answers given by school-age children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
~ She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
~ Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
~ Mostly to clean the house.
~ To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
~ He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
~ Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
~ God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
~ We're related.
~ God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
~ God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
~ They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
~ My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
~ I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
~ They say she used to be nice.

How did your mom meet your dad?
~ Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
~ His last name.
~ She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on Beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
~ My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
~ She got too old to do anything else with him.
~ My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

What makes a real woman?
~ It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

Who's the boss at your house?
~ Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
~ Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
~ I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
~ Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
~ Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
~ Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
~ Mothers don't do spare time.
~ To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
~ About 30 years.
~ You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!

Describe the world's greatest mom:
~ She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
~ The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
~ She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.

Is anything about your mom perfect?
~ Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
~ Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
~ Just her children.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
~ On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
~ Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
~ She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
~ I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

Chicago Tribune Letter to the Editor

On May 6, 2004, the following letter from Ms Joanna Zamora of Chicago appeared in the Chicago Tribune Voice of the People column:

Chicago -- I was absolutely embarrassed to claim myself as an American citizen when I read the article of the American soldiers humiliating the Iraqi prisoners. I had plans to enlist in the U.S. military. However, I now have second thoughts about those plans. As a high school senior and a cadet in the Army JROTC, I felt all my spirits were destroyed by the shameful acts of the soldiers who participated in the torture scandal.

Actions such as these definitely make Americans no better and no worse than other countries that lack so-called “democracy.”

I guess now is a good time to really practice what we preach when we criticize another country's government. My apologies go out to each and every Arab who has been offended tremendously by this horrible situation.

Joanna I. Zamora
Chicago

I felt compelled to respond to Ms Zamora's letter. I don't know if it will actually appear in the Tribune, but for the record here is my response as submitted:

In the wake of the Iraqi prisoner mistreatment scandal, JROTC Cadet Joanna Zamora [Voice of the People 5/6/04] is reconsidering her decision to serve in the U.S. Armed Forces. Ms Zamora, it is the active involvement of people of strong moral fiber and the courage of their convictions as senior enlisted personnel and junior officers that prevent these kinds of abuses. As someone who commanded four aviation detachments and a squadron as acting C.O., I can personally attest that officers and NCOs who actively lead and involve themselves with their subordinates do more to shape attitudes and actions than anyone else. One of my ongoing problems with those who criticize military culture, especially political liberals, is their failure to understand that the culture is shaped by those who participate, and the absence of those who hold politically liberal views in the U.S. officer corps will ensure that this perspective is not a part of that culture. It is a proven fact that sound leadership by good people shapes how their subordinates will behave.

One of the proudest moments of my military career occurred when an aviation squadron I was in was the subject of a Navy Judge Advocate General's investigation. This was an unrelated incident that occurred in the wake of the Tailhook Scandal, and our Commanding Officer, Commander (now Rear Admiral) Jan Gaudio called all the officers into the wardroom to discuss how we were going to approach the investigation. His charge to us? “There's only one path to take: we're each going to march in there and tell the truth and the whole truth.” That's moral leadership!

So Ms Zamora, if you are disgusted by the actions of a few misguided individuals, it should actually be all the more reason for you to serve. As a JROTC graduate, you can enter the service as an E-3 and rapidly rise to the NCO ranks, or you could attend college and gain a commission; in either case you CAN make a difference. I too am disgusted by these abuses and believe those involved should all be prosecuted with zeal; but I also know that all these young troops needed to prevent these actions was proper leadership and guidance. Ms Zamora, BE that guidance.

Ray Trygstad
Lieutenant Commander, U.S. Navy (Retired)
Maintainer of the Naval and Maritime pages of the World Wide Web Virtual Library
http://vlnavmar.usnaweb.org/