E'LOUISE ONDASH
Staff Writer

Call up Web site http//www.usnaweb.org/ken_trgstad (sic--site name was mispelled & the colon was left out --Ray) on your computer, and you'll find a memorial to a Vista man who joined the Marine Corps, served in Korea, married an Encinitas woman, fathered three children, founded a successful business, served the community and died much too soon, according to those who loved him.

This cyberspace tribute to Kenneth Earl Trygstad, complete with biography, photos and poetry, seems only fitting and logical to his son, Ray, who designed it. His father loved to spend time on the computer - he and Ray bought their first computers at the same time in 1982 - so what better way to inform fellow hobbyists and friends of the elder Trygstad's passing on July 12?

"It was my idea," said Ray, who grew up in Vista and is a computer science specialist at the Illinois Institute of Technology in Chicago. "I run several Web sites and also an e-mail list (of 200) for the U.S. Naval Academy alumni, where I graduated. I let them know about my dad, and then directed them to the Web site for the whole obituary."

The site also serves as a place to express personal sentiments.

"I'll add remarks and comments that aren't the type that you'd find in an obituary," Ray said, "like how his death was painless and that he smiled just before he died."

Memorials in cyberspace are just another way for families to acknowledge the life of a loved one, says Bernardo M. Ferdman, an associate professor at the California School of Professional Psychology.

"It's a way to let the world know they lived here. It's also connected to the idea of the virtual community--that we can come together and talk without physically being in the same place.'

Ferdman said his first experience with mourning on the Web came in 1995 when Israel's prime minister Yitzhak Rabin was murdered. "I was looking for news (on the Internet) and found a site where people could leave comments about Rabin. It gave me some sense of being connected to others who were grieving. So why should virtual tombstones be just for famous people?"

Jean Welser of Escondido would agree. She lost her only child, Michelle, in 1993 when the 17-year-old was killed in an auto accident in Valley Center. Creating a Web site (http://members.aol.com/schiiirots/michelle/michelle.htm) to mark what would have been Michelle's 21st birthday Wednesday was the suggestion of Jean's co-workers at the Escondido Union School District.

"I was really pleased and thought it was a wonderful idea," said Jean, who at the time of the interview had yet to see it. "They put it together quickly to finish by her birthday. It's something she would've liked. I think it's a wonderful way to be remembered."

Michelle, who was known to be creative, lively and write poetry, always wanted a computer, her mother said.

"I finally got one and put it in her room. I plan to add to the Web site--probably put poems and other things I wrote on it."

For those who don't want to create a Web site, there are readymade versions. For a fee, you can leave a lasting memory of a loved one and friends can pay their respects. One such virtual cemetary is World Gardens (http://www.worldgardens.com/), the brainchild of Michael Tidwell of Myrtle Beach, S.C.

"The Web site offers a lot more than an obituary," said the advertising agency artist. "Unless you are really famous, your obit is really short. This is highly personalized. Someone in the family gets to write the story. Eventually, I hope a funeral home will take me up on this."

The first tribute was to Tidwell's uncle, who inspired him to become an artist.

"World Gardens is not a place of death, but a.place to celebrate the life and accomplishments of those we love," Tidwell wrote on his site, "a way to tell the world about them and what they meant to us."

A World Gardens "tombstone" costs $35, and photos can also be posted (they will be returned). And for an extra fee, visitors to the site can send a virtual flower arrangement and comforting thoughts.

The tombstone page remains active for three months, then the person's name and dates of birth and death are automatically placed in the site's "mausoleum."

Pets, too, can be memorialized in cyberspace. Those who lose companion animals can be assured they'll be remembered in the Virtual Pet Cemetery, (http@/www.lavamind.com/pet_menu.html). The site was founded more than two years ago as an experiment by San Franciscans Naomi Kokubo and her husband, Steven Hoffman.

"We wanted to provide a virtual community for people to share the feelings about something society in general does not like to talk about", Kokubo said via e-mail.

Apparently, though, plenty of people do want to read about them.

"Our site gets over a million hits (visits) a month," Kokubo said. "Most people don't submit an epitaph--they just read the epitaphs."

Epitaphs, like this partial tribute to a St. Bernard, cost $15:

"Lady Louise, I want you to know that I'm coming to where you are. I will meet you and we will pick up where we left off. Chuck."

Some are humorous, like this excerpt from a tribute to a Labrador retriever:

Here lies Blackie,
Chased a car
Caught in the muffler,
Dragged through the tar,
Around the corner,
Across the track,
He might not be dead,
But he never came back-.

Kokubo considers such sentiments "a special gift to the rest of us," and said that the cemetery has grown so large that it takes considerable time to manage.

"But we do it because we care about it. Our goal is to have the Virtual Pet Cemetery running long after we leave this earth."

What motivates such sentiments as those for Blackie?

"The pet is a member of the family," Kokubo explained. "It's just like when a close friend or relative dies. Owners can't go into work and cry about their cat. People need an outlet for their emotions ... so we provide that outlet."

Back to Ken Trygstad's Memorial Page